Because of childhood abuse inflicted on him by his father (who denies any claims of abuse), Jesse James says he "never felt good enough for anyone," which is why he subconsciously sabotaged his relationship with Sandra Bullock.
During his month in rehab, he learned a lot about himself, and cried more in those 30 days than he has "his entire life." He learned that childhood abuse victims often sabotage even the best relationships "because of their abuse; they've never felt good enough. Why would I totally destroy my wife's life and humiliate her when I knew it was bad, you know? I may seem like a monster in people's eyes, but I'm not that kind of person where I will willfully, you know, 'I'm gonna get her, I'll show her,' that's not what it's about. It's about trying to push someone away that I thought was going to leave anyway."
Jesse details the abuse at the hands of his father during his appearance on Nightline Tuesday night: "I tripped over this little low fence wire and snapped my wrist and I remember my dad laughed at me when I hit the ground and called me a dummy," James recalled. "I was petrified of my dad ... It wasn't so much getting the sh*t beat out of me or getting my arm broken or getting kicked or whatever or punched, it was the in-between time. It was the fear of that happening again. I was a terrorized kid and, I mean, it's really tough for me to think about now because ... Sunny [his 7-year-old daughter] is the age that I was when my dad broke my arm."
Jesse hopes for his wife's, as well as the public's forgiveness: "I really wish I didn't have to go through all this and put everybody else through this to get to this place, but hopefully with time and my actions, and the things that I do, I hope people realize that, you know, Hey, I'm human, I make mistakes and I'm sorry for what I did."
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